Ya know how girls in movies or on tv or whatever will wake up with a nasty hangover and have no idea whether or not they had sex the night before… ?

Yeah, I don’t get that. I get how it’s possible to not remember the events of the night before, but I always, always know whether or not I have had sex.

If there has been penetration, that’s the very first thing I know when I wake up. You know what happens? My little inner voice starts yapping at me… “Mornin’ Shelbs! Yeah, this is your cooch speaking. I don’t know what all you remember about last night, but just so ya know, you had sex!” Once, I woke up the morning after an obscene amount of drinking, naked in bed with a boy that was infinitely important to me, who I was once in love with, in fact… but I knew – because my cooch didn’t start yappin’ at me right away – that however it was that I got naked, there was no sex that night.

Now, maybe it’s me that’s weird. Maybe not every girl has that little inner voice that informs them about this type of shit. Maybe I’m crazy. Whatever the case, if I’ve had sex, I always feel the physical aftermath. Even if it was so completely lackluster that I don’t remember it. Even if my raging hangover makes me wish I would just go ahead and die…. and I don’t remember it.

Sadly, though, my vibrator has keeled over and died. It lost power, for one thing, but for another? It totally cracked along the top. This is not a good thing, folks, and renders it useless entirely of course. I mean, I could have maybe dealt with the fact that it wasn’t quite as vibey as it used to be, but the crack in the top would just be painful.

I have never had a single vibrator that has “stood the test of time,” despite the fact that I try very hard to take good care of my toys. (I did, however, drop the most recent one… which is how it wound up cracked. I’m not that … ahem, hard on my toys!)

But, eh, I have an excuse to shop, I suppose? Or, something to add to my wishlist to ask for for Xmas? (Would that be XXXMas? I’m going to Hell.) Now… this time around I want a bunny!