sleeps with butterflies » Friends

I Take It Back. FUCK YOU.

Shelby — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 11:02:52 +0000

Let me preface this by saying that I haven’t had a wink of fucking sleep all night. I’m tired, cranky, and there’s a slight possibility that I’ve just downright snapped. But, here’s the thing. I’m done crying over all the… bullshit. I am done being hurt.

I’m not perfect. I’m far from it. I always do my damnedest to be a good friend, though, and when I do fall short I’m quick to try to repair that. Friendship is important to me, it means something to me. And while I refuse to give up on people, I am all done believing every single person who says that they’re my friend, just because they say they are. Show me.

If I only matter to you at certain times, or under certain conditions, fuck you. Yeah, that’s right. Fuck you. Because while I am, as I said, far from perfect, I don’t do that shit. And if I appeared to be doing that shit, I’d want to be told.

So, no more hurting. No more tears. No more fucking whining.

To the following people, in no particular order, thank you, sincerely, for always being the best kind of friend to me…

KH
Lori
Mike
Maria
Cary
Boon
Heath

For all that I’ve bitched, moaned, and whined lately, I know that I am very lucky.

Go Ahead, Break My Heart. I Like It.

Shelby — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 06:06:36 +0000

Could someone please tell me why people say things that they don’t mean? Why do they make promises that they know that they can’t really keep? What good comes from it? They tell you what you want to hear when you want to hear it, but then let you down. Break your heart and tear you up.

More importantly, why do I believe them? Why is this a lesson that I can’t seem to learn? Why do I always believe the lie? I’m smarter than this. I’m so much smarter than this. Or at least, I used to think I was. But I keep falling for it, hook, line and sinker. I can’t decide which of us that makes more full of fail.

I give. I’ll hold on to the friends I know I can count on… and somehow I’ll find a way to toughen up.

Real Friends

Shelby — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:35:15 +0000

Here’s a few lessons that I have learned recently, and I want them written down so that I remember them. If you think this is about you, before you scream and yell at me, stop and take a minute please, and ask yourself why you think it’s about you.

A real friend is there for you when you have a hard time. They take the good with the bad. For every time you share a laugh with someone, there is going to be at least one time where you just can’t laugh, no matter how much you want to. A real friend understands this, and will stick by you even through the tears. Even when the tears come hard and fast and they can’t understand you through the sobbing. They’ll still be there to listen – no matter how hard a job that is. Maybe they’ll even “bubble” you.

A real friend understands when, sometimes, things just don’t work out the way that you want them to. Plans get made and sometimes have to be changed or canceled. Your friends may be very, very high on your priority list, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t certain things right up there with them on that list, or maybe even, slightly higher. If plans get changed or canceled for something else that is important, too, a real friend is understanding, and doesn’t make you feel guilty or judge or condemn you for it.

A real friend doesn’t say one thing to your face and another behind your back.

A real friend worries about you when you are sick. Not just because of how it might affect them, but because they actually care about you.

Obviously I’m A Bad Blogger

Shelby — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 00:21:04 +0000

I’ve not updated in some time. And that would not be because I haven’t had anything to talk about. It’s a lot more likely that it’s because I have way too much to talk about.

Had a ginormous fight with the neighbor. I believe I dropped the c-bomb on her at one point in the argument. Not exactly something I’m altogether proud of. However, in my defense, I did tell her relatively calmly when I first got upset with her that she should leave my house, and that I was not comfortable with her being there at the moment. I may not have been calm, cool, and collected enough to say “You’re making me uncomfortable, please leave now, before I say something really spiteful and cruel,” but I know I said it without shouting and without any cursing at first.

Got a PS3 and Little Big Planet for Xmas, just a bit early. Oh, ok more than a bit. I had it before Thanksgiving, even. Speaking of that, the ham was delicious. I’m so glad that clearly my loathing for turkey is genetic in nature. (My mom doesn’t like it either, therefore she doesn’t cook it, and since Thanksgiving is always with Mom… )

My uncle had a lung taken out due to Phoenix Valley Fever. (Go ahead, look it up if need be, I’ll wait.) The surgery itself was actually not so bad he says, and the hospital stay was short, but he had to have a boatload of chemotherapy, apparently. So far, so good, though he’ll never be running a four minute mile – but come to think of it, he never ran a mile ever, anyway, in any amount of time.

Have had severe falling outs with several people that I care a great deal for. I’m not sure if you can call it an actual falling out if they just suddenly up and stop talking to you – but what do I know? Obviously I’ve done something wrong, because it’s not just one friend. I suck. /wrists?

I think I hate the Holly-daze. Bah humbug, I say!

On Good Friends and Bad

Shelby — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:11:34 +0000

Note: Yes, this is about someone specific. No, it’s probably not you. I don’t think that the person that it is about even knows about my blog. If said person does, eh… well at least you can take comfort in the fact that I didn’t call you out by name, right? Because, yeah… I’m whining, but that’s because you’re being a bad friend.

I’m as flawed as the next human, maybe even more so, but I do try to make it a point to be a good friend.

So how come lately I feel like I don’t get the same in return?

If I make plans with a friend, even if they are tentative, I will show up – unless something comes up that I have no control over and must attend to. And if that happens, I will not just leave someone hanging.

So how come I don’t get the same?

If someone I care for is upset, especially if it’s because of something I have done, I will stay until we work it out. Even if I’m tired. Even if I have things I’d rather be doing than arguing/fighting/etc.

So how come I don’t get the same?

I’ve zero desire to waste my time crying over someone who clearly doesn’t care. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have a switch I can flick on or off that controls whether or not I care about them. Life would get so much easier if I did.