I think, that for the most part, I am not a hateful person. I’ve never been great at holding a grudge, or staying pissed off. For the most part, when I get angry it’s because something has hurt my feelings, or the feelings of someone I love. Sometimes, though, everything gets the better of me all at once and little things are amplified. Amplified in the extreme.
And then I say or do completely idiotic things. Which, when I’ve come to my senses, I know that I shouldn’t have said or done. I know that I’m in the wrong, and I have zero issue accepting that, or apologizing for it, and carefully avoiding making the same mistake more than once. I’m not perfect, by a long shot, and I know it all too well. I just hope that I will be forgiven.
I feel … like shit. KH is losing his job, I’m scared, terrified… and I imagine he’s pretty scared, too. He keeps telling me that it will be fine. It doesn’t feel fine. Nothing comes close to feeling fine at all!
I’ve noticed lately that I have no appetite. That someone has to remind me that I need to eat something, or else, I might go the whole day without bothering. Of course, whether I have an appetite or not I need to eat. I have zero desire to slowly starve to death.
I’m kinda wishing I could just bury my head in the sand and make the world go away for a while.
So I had the worst day today.
I got a new hard drive (with an orgasmic 500gb more space). This is not the bad part. I installed it, and then a fan in my case (spare fan, not vital one) decided that it was going to start rattling and shit after I put the side of the case back on. This is still not the bad part, although that fan is driving me batshit insane.
Ok, more batshit insane than I usually am.
I admit to being one of those Second Life losers. Only, I get to make stuff (which I have fun doing) and get paid for that (which I also have fun with). So, right. Not really that much of a loser, now, thank you very much. 
Just kinda (ok, a lot) geeky. Nerdy. All of the above. Whatever. I also admit to being moderately (read: extremely) pervy and terribly fond of the female form. So, Emerald (an alternative SL viewer) decided that they would do something terribly fun and they enabled enhanced phsyics on the avatar chest. (Read: JIGGLE BOOBS ZOMG!) Now, this also isn’t bad, not bad at all! It’s awesome, in fact… when it fuckin’ works.
It decided to stop working today, repeatedly. Now, this in and of itself doesn’t really make for THE worst day, but I frowned a bit about this.
The ratting fan in and of itself didn’t really make for THE worst day, either, but I frowned a bit more.
The viruses (virii!) on my computer in and of themselves did not make for THE worst day, but I frowned still more.
Every CD I own refusing to read all by itself didn’t wreck my day, but I frowned still more. By this time the corners of my mouth were pretty much permanently pointing in a distinctly southerly direction, though.
All of this together, added to K screaming at me and making me cry, though, did make for a pretty terribad day.
It’s ok, though. K made it all better when he said, in reference to the noises my dad was making in the kitchen “He sounds like the Swedish Cock out there!” 
(Note: He’s Dutch, folks, and what he meant was that he sounded like the Swedish Chef. However, in the future when my dad acts ridickerous I’m just going to say to everyone, “Don’t mind him, he’s a Swedish cock.”)
I have been more productive lately than I can remember being in a while, but despite the constant activity over here, I feel … tres blah. On the up side I made amends with my neighbor, apologized for dropping the c-bomb on her, and managed to get all that done before Christmas.
So the holidays were nice. I was surrounded by people I care about, and though there were a few missing pieces of my puzzle, I had a good time. At least, I think I did.
Of course, there are some legitimate reasons that I feel blue… but if I had a set of scales to weigh the positives and the negatives, the scales would be significantly weighed down on the positive side. Still, I’m finding myself unable to focus on the positives lately. Doom & gloomy me.
I’ve been watching friends of mine go through much harder times than me, unable to do anything about any of it. Sometimes however much you want to you just can’t help. I know that “sympathy pains” are sort of part of what’s wrong with me, but I also know that’s not all there is to it.
I’m tired of being sick and tired. I’m unhappy being unhappy all the damn time.
Woke up this morning and my internet was shut off. Called my ISP, who is also my phone & cable provider, and asked what the deal was. My cable & phone were still working, so it was just my net. Spent an hour and a half on hold, only to find out that my cable & phone were about to be shut off, too, and it was due to a back balance.
First, I was told I need $305 to get it turned back on. Well, let’s just say I don’t have $305 right this minute. Second, if I did have $305, it’d probably be needed for more life-and-death shit than my internet. No internet = little contact with KH. My cell phone just isn’t an option for calling the Netherlands and talking all damn day. 
Needless to say I was not a happy camper at all.
But, the funny thing is, the little crisis this morning (which obviously turned out to have a happy ending) really put a lot of things in perspective. A lot of things that had been bothering me, a lot of issues I was having, were completely laid to rest. The grass on my side of the fence is indeed plenty green. 
So, Lindsay Lohan is pissed at paparazzi for asking if her baby sis had a boob job, two Georgia men claim they’ve bagged Bigfoot, and I have an extra hole in my ass.
I’m not sure which of these stories is stranger.
Actually, I’m kind of surprised as to how Lindsay didn’t expect to be asked this question, or worse ones, about her baby sister. You can’t put someone in the spotlight without the paparazzi and the tabloids ripping them to shreds. It just doesn’t happen. So I guess the Lohan story isn’t that out of left field, except for the fact that she sorta has a point: why was that dude so concerned about a 14-year-old’s boobs? Creeeeeeepy.
As far as the Bigfoot thing, well I’m from Missouri, show me. If it’s Bigfoot, I wanna see. The article on Yahoo News does include a link to these guys’ websites, but I have a sneaking suspicion their host wasn’t prepared for the kind of traffic that comes from being posted about in the news. Just wait til slashdot gets a hold of you.
But, are we serious about this? You “bagged” Bigfoot? “Have you been gargling bong water?”
I would go check out your photos of your popsicle Bigfoot, guys, but your site is busted. 
Now about that ‘extra hole in my ass’ thing…
I went to the bathroom a little bit ago, as I am prone to doing now and then on any given day, and I closed the door without realizing that I had company. Company of the small, cute, furry-and-demonic variety. (I love my kittens, really I do!) And of course, like anyone going to the bathroom, I dropped my pants and went to have a seat… only, apparently a small, cute, furry-and-demonic companion that I wasn’t aware of had decided that right then was a good time to take a peek into the toilet bowl. You know, right before I sat down on it. This is, of course, perfect timing, right?
Well, sure it is, if you want to wind up with kitty claws in your butt cheek. She (Dixie) noticed my fat ass delicious derriere begin descending. I however, did not notice her at all, let alone the paw she raised into the air or the claws that proceeded to extend from said paw. Well, let’s just say, the yelp was probably heard at least 3-4 doors down. Never have I stood up off the toilet so fast, except for that one time in Alaska, where no one warned me that I may be boiling my buttocks if I sat down immediately after someone else had just been in there and flushed.
Ow. Just ow.
On a side note, I’m not having much luck with having incident-free trips to the bathroom lately, but that’s a story for another time… maybe when I’m too drunk to realize exactly what it is I’m telling you all about.