Ok, listen up gentlemen, because this post is completely aimed at you.
I know that you probably think that you’re being all kinds of sweet and charming, but I need to tell you a really big secret. Are you listening? Ok. Here’s the deal…
I do not really like it when you come straight out of the gate with the pet names and whatnot. You don’t get to call me “baby,” or any variation of “baby,” just because you happen to think I’m cute. I also know that I’m not alone feeling this way! I know lots of girls who are not charmed by this behavior at all!
I’m glad you think I’m cute. I dig that you think I’m fun to talk to and that you have a great time when I’m around. I take these things as the compliments that they are. However, while I may like you, while I may also enjoy your company, it does not mean I’m your baby! I promise that you’ll know for sure if you’re allowed to call me pet names. If you’re not sure, or I’ve never used one for you, then you’re not allowed.
Also, if we’re IMing or texting, or whatever … lay off the emoting that you’re snuggling up to me or kissing my nose or what the hell ever else it is you seem to think I’m going to think is so cute. It’s not cute. It kind of creeps me out. And if I happen to be trying to actually have a conversation with you, how about not mentioning how much you’d like to see my boobs.
I mean really!
Let me preface this by saying that I haven’t had a wink of fucking sleep all night. I’m tired, cranky, and there’s a slight possibility that I’ve just downright snapped. But, here’s the thing. I’m done crying over all the… bullshit. I am done being hurt.
I’m not perfect. I’m far from it. I always do my damnedest to be a good friend, though, and when I do fall short I’m quick to try to repair that. Friendship is important to me, it means something to me. And while I refuse to give up on people, I am all done believing every single person who says that they’re my friend, just because they say they are. Show me.
If I only matter to you at certain times, or under certain conditions, fuck you. Yeah, that’s right. Fuck you. Because while I am, as I said, far from perfect, I don’t do that shit. And if I appeared to be doing that shit, I’d want to be told.
So, no more hurting. No more tears. No more fucking whining.
To the following people, in no particular order, thank you, sincerely, for always being the best kind of friend to me…
- KH
- Lori
- Mike
- Maria
- Cary
- Boon
- Heath
For all that I’ve bitched, moaned, and whined lately, I know that I am very lucky.
Could someone please tell me why people say things that they don’t mean? Why do they make promises that they know that they can’t really keep? What good comes from it? They tell you what you want to hear when you want to hear it, but then let you down. Break your heart and tear you up.
More importantly, why do I believe them? Why is this a lesson that I can’t seem to learn? Why do I always believe the lie? I’m smarter than this. I’m so much smarter than this. Or at least, I used to think I was. But I keep falling for it, hook, line and sinker. I can’t decide which of us that makes more full of fail.
I give. I’ll hold on to the friends I know I can count on… and somehow I’ll find a way to toughen up.
… or I 
Jackie Chan.
Some of you, who know me, may know that I’m crazy about the original Karate Kid flicks, and that I love Jackie Chan! When I first heard that they were “updating” The Karate Kid, I wasn’t sure how I felt. Even when I found out they were updating it and Jackie Chan was involved, I still wasn’t sure how I felt! There are some things that you just don’t touch. The Beatles did The Beatles the best that it’ll ever be done, for example, and The Karate Kid … well that’s just a classic, you know?
With that said, I broke down and saw the new Karate Kid.
Well, I still like Jackie Chan! I don’t feel like it was a waste of time or funds. It’s not the original, but that’s ok, it was still good. Although, if you look up the Wikipedia entry on Mr. Miyagi, they do say that Jackie Chan plays that character in the new remake. Han/Miyagi and Dre/Daniel are not the same characters, though, damn it. 
I think, that for the most part, I am not a hateful person. I’ve never been great at holding a grudge, or staying pissed off. For the most part, when I get angry it’s because something has hurt my feelings, or the feelings of someone I love. Sometimes, though, everything gets the better of me all at once and little things are amplified. Amplified in the extreme.
And then I say or do completely idiotic things. Which, when I’ve come to my senses, I know that I shouldn’t have said or done. I know that I’m in the wrong, and I have zero issue accepting that, or apologizing for it, and carefully avoiding making the same mistake more than once. I’m not perfect, by a long shot, and I know it all too well. I just hope that I will be forgiven.
I feel … like shit. KH is losing his job, I’m scared, terrified… and I imagine he’s pretty scared, too. He keeps telling me that it will be fine. It doesn’t feel fine. Nothing comes close to feeling fine at all!
I’ve noticed lately that I have no appetite. That someone has to remind me that I need to eat something, or else, I might go the whole day without bothering. Of course, whether I have an appetite or not I need to eat. I have zero desire to slowly starve to death.
I’m kinda wishing I could just bury my head in the sand and make the world go away for a while.